Kessel & McTamaney in Zorintsky’s play directed by Dempsey
Newark Academy’s biennial 24-hour Playwriting Festival facilitated by Theater Director Rachel Shapiro Cooper with assistance from Arts Department faculty member and set guru Joey Yow culminated in three spectacular Black Box Theater performances by Advanced Acting/IB Acting students on January 26, 2018. Below is the full text of one of these amazing plays, “2 Kings 9:1,” written by Elliott Zorintsky ’18. In addition, the video includes all three performances.
In the words of Ms. Shapiro Cooper, “These young artists came together and created meaningful pieces that ask essential questions. They will make you laugh, they will make you think, and they will make you proud.”
“From Time”
Written by Brian Robusto ’18
Directed by Harry Echtman ’18
Starring Dylan Gawron ’19, Nicholas Cicalese ’18 and Greg Gavenda ’18
“Healing Faster”
Written by Kianni Keys ’19
Directed by Gillian Cohen ’19
Starring Madeleine Levinsohn ’19, Natalie Sonkin ’18, Kianni Keys ’19 and Zachary Kessel ’19
“2 Kings 9:1”
Written by Elliott Zorintsky ’18
Directed by Claire Dempsey ’18
Starring Zachary Kessel ’19 and Anika McTamaney ’19
“2 Kings 9:1” by Elliott Zornitsky
ARNOLD, 45. Investment Banker. Cunning and analytical. Dually pragmatic and charming. Occasionally erratic. Debra’s husband.
DEBRA, 39. Waitress at the local pub. Clumsy and somewhat existential. Vivacious and full of life. Oddly religious. Arnold’s wife.
(Play begins in blackout, with the stage lit by the soft glow of a salt lamp on a table. There is a gentle breeze in the background, as a window has been left open. It is 3am, and an eerie quiet descends on the quaint town of Clinton, New York)
OFFSTAGE VOICE
In the fifth year of Joram son of Ahab king, when Jehoshaphat was king of Judah, Jehoram son of Jehoshaphat began his reign as king of Judah. He was thirty–two years old when he became King, and he reigned in Jerusalem for eight years. He walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab. He did evil in the eyes of the LORD. Nevertheless, for the sake of his servant David, the LORD was not willing to destroy Judah. He had promised to maintain a lamp for David and his descendants forever.
(Lights come up as Arnold and Debra drunkenly stumble through the door, laughing like Hyenas. The stage is bare, except for a table and two chairs, stage left, and an old sofa center stage.)
DEBRA
Now let me just say, that was one of the best night’s I’ve had in a while! Must’ve been because of that harvest moon…it always manages to give me those mumble jumbles.
(She rubs his back affectionately, laughing to herself)
ARNOLD
(Obviously slurring his words)
We make quite a pair Debra bear. Little miss Debra. Gumdrop. Mumdrop. Ha-ha that rhymed. Look at me. A poet. Big whiz, gee whiz.
DEBRA
(Stumbling to the couch, the sage diffuser falls out of her pocket)
Arnold! COME PLOP YOURSELF ON THIS COUCH RIGH NOW RIGHT NEXT TO ME!
ARNOLD
(Walking to the couch, he notices the sage diffuser on the floor, and picks it up)
Debra, now what is this? Is this another one of your voodoo games? (Jokingly serious) I WILL NOT HAVE IT IN MY CHRISTIAN…
DEBRA
––you mean Jewish…
ARNOLD
––IN MY MORMON…
DEBRA
––you mean Jehovah Witness…
ARNOLD
––IN MY GODDAM HOUSE OF SCIENTOLOGY!
DEBRA
(Pushing Arnold back against the couch)
I like it when you talk tough. Big strong man talking tough.
(She gives him a charming and all too obvious wink, and grabs the sage diffuser)
ARNOLD
(Goes to grab the sage diffuser but she holds it out of his grasp)
Now now Debra, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.
DEBRA
(Jumping off of the couch and wildly waving the sage diffuser in the air)
Hey, hey you spirit! HEY YOU SPIRITS. GET OUT OUT OUT!
ARNOLD
(Watches in wonder and faux enthusiasm)
That’s it Debra! You really almost did catch it. I mean there’s about a million spirits flying around this room. Look right––
DEBRA
(Dancing, and shifting the sage diffuser all around in front of the audience)
Here’s a spirit, there’s a spirit!
(Beat)
You can’t get me; you can’t get me; you can’t get me!
ARNOLD
(Approaching Debra from behind, grabbing her waist and lifting her up)
Got you! I got you! You’re all mine now!
DEBRA
(Suddenly annoyed and perturbed)
Huh? NO….NO NO NO! Let me go this instant. LET ME GO GOD DAMMIT!
ARNOLD
(Letting Debra go; she falls to the floor)
Okay no need to get your tassels in a hassle.
DEBRA
(Looking up from the floor; she puts the sage diffuser in her pocket)
Ya know what Arnold? I don’t know if I ever told ya this. But I’ve been meaning to tell ya for a long long time. Like a really long time. Ya know what? Ya got a nice ass.
ARNOLD
(Smirking)
Not too bad for an investment banker….
(Beat)
I mean my handy dandy stand up desk gives me ample time to practice my squats all day long.
(He practices several squats in front of her)
DEBRA
(Whistling)
Yep. Not too shabby at all.
(Pause)
How about we hit the ole hay stack? It’s getting pretty late…I reckon there’s only about 3 hours left until sunrise.
ARNOLD
(Mocking)
How about we hit the ole hay stack? You Southern now? You little Alabama lamb?
DEBRA
(Grabbing his hand)
Oh shut the fuck up Mr. Investment Banker. Let’s go to bed.
ARNOLD
(Exalting)
Yes, Madam Debra. Whatever you say. Your wish is my command!
DEBRA
(Punching him in the arm, manly)
You just know how to push all the rights buttons don’t you Mr. Invest Banker…you’re a suave guy ain’t ya.
ARNOLD
(Winking)
The guys certainly seem to think so.
DEBRA
You think you’re so funny––
ARNOLD
(Interrupting)
…for an investment banker of course.
DEBRA
Oh yes of course for an investment banker. My investment banker.
(Beat)
Well how’s about this for a joke: I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags, he’s bisatchel.
(Debra falls over laughing at her own joke)
ARNOLD
(Applauding)
Debra that was goddam hilarious. I mean really just outstanding in all respects––the timing, the punchline, the certain je ne sais quoi. Buen Provecho! Baruch atah Adonai! Tengo un gato en mis pantolones!
(Pause)
I’m just glad you’re in better spirits.
(Beat)
It really seems like you’re starting to come around.
DEBRA
(Pause)
Yeah…it’s nice. I’m lucky to have found you. Really really lucky. Now for the love of God can we please go to bed.
ARNOLD
(Gesturing to the exit, which is stage left)
Right this way m’lady!
(They embrace, and perhaps share a slight kiss. Lights down)
SCENE 2
(There is a brief blackout, and the set is transformed into a simple room. The set is bathed in a soft blue light. It is 4am. There is a bed and a nightstand. On the night stand, we find the salt lamp still illuminated, and on the foot of the bed a stuffed animal, toy pig. Arnold is in a deep sleep and Debra is sitting up holding the sage diffuser tight to her chest. They are both wearing night ware. It appears that they have gained some level of consciousness)
DEBRA
(Suddenly she looks to the audience, rocking and singing slowly)
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Mama’s going to buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama’s going to buy you a looking glass.
ARNOLD
(Waking up and groggily murmuring to Debra)
Debra? Debs? Debbie? You okay?
DEBRA
(Paying Arnold no attention. Continues to sing)
You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.
ARNOLD
(Shaking Debra, somewhat violently)
Hey! You in another one of those trances?
(beat)
Oh shit, oh shit!
(Stepping out of the bed and rushing to Debra. Trying to calm her)
Ummm…don’t panic… it’s all gonna be okay… I’m here and and that’s what matters.
(Beat; at a loss for words he begins to sing)
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, Daddy’s going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don’t sing, Daddy’s going to buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns brass, Daddy’s going to buy you a looking glass.
DEBRA
(Finally noticing Arnold)
Arnold…Arnold I need you to listen closely. Very, very closely.
ARNOLD
(Straining to listen)
Yes, of course, of course.
(Beat)
What exactly are we listening for//
DEBRA
(Beginning to cry quietly, almost silently)
//It’s just… (breaking down) wait…wait…STOP TALKING!
ARNOLD
(Uncertain, and stammering)
I¬¬//
DEBRA
//I SAID STOP TALKNG!
(Beat)
Do you hear that? Arnold? Do you hear that? The…the sound. The crying? Our Baby Arnold. I can hear our Baby!
ARNOLD
(Mildly confused)
Our child? (sighing) not again Debra. C’mon, I can’t go through this again.
(Beat)
It’s 4am and I will not take care of a screaming child I just won’t do it and I can’t do it and frankly I’m going back to bed right this instant if that is okay with you of course…
DEBRA
Whatever you say Mr. DEAD BEAT DAD!
(She gets up on her knees and begins to taunt him in a song like matter)
MR. DEAD BEAT DAD MR. DEAD BEAT DAD MR. DEAD BEAT DAD––
ARNOLD
(Sitting up)
Slight correction Debby.
DEBRA
What?
ARNOLD
(Trying to please Debra, and going along with her game)
It should be…MR. DEAD BEAT INVESTMENT BANKER DAD MR. DEAD BEAT INVESTMENT BANKER DAD MR. DEAD BEAT INVESTMENT BANKER DAD
DEBRA
Right of course.
(Smiling)
Kiss me you sassy smart ass!
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They embrace again and share a slight kiss)
DEBRA
(Sitting cross¬¬––legged on the bed, facing Arnold)
In all seriousness though we should probably check on the baby.
ARNOLD
(Awkward pause)
You’re joking right? This is one of your coping exercises right? The dark, deranged humor?
DEBRA
No. I’m not sure what you’re on about.
ARNOLD
(Rhetorical tone)
Debra…
DEBRA
(Same platonic tone)
Arnold…
ARNOLD
(Putting his arm around Debra in a loving manner)
Debra…I know this may be hard to hear. And I’m sorry that I have to keep reminding you. But…there is no child.
DEBRA
(Earnestly)
No child? No what?
ARNOLD
(Serious now)
No child Debra. There’s no child. You…I mean we lost him (quickly correcting himself) …it…last month.
DEBRA
(Hunched up, small, and to herself, growing bigger with each “no”)
No no no no no…NO NO NO NO NO.
ARNOLD
(Small, finite)
Yes.
DEBRA
There…there’s no little baby. There’s nothing, no one to buy things for? There’s no mocking birds to sing, no diamond rings for bling, no looking glasses. There’s just nothing…no one at all?
ARNOLD
(Oddly romantic, he seems uncomfortable with this level of intimacy)
Well…there’s still us. I mean, I’m here. I’ve been here. I will be here.
DEBRA
(Exploding and springing out of the bed, sage diffuser in hand)
LIAR! I SWEAR TO GOD DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!
ARNOLD
Debra wait!
(Beat)
I need you to…to take a step back. Remember what Dr. Bernard said. Breathe. Just breathe.
DEBRA
(Succinct)
Husbands don’t lie. Husbands don’t lie. Husbands don’t lie.
(Beat)
“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor”. That’s scripture Arnold! Doest thouest readest the scripture? (Pushing Arnold off the bed, and pursuing him with the sage diffuser)
ARNOLD
(Finding mild humor, even as Debra pursues him)
So… I never realized you got around to becoming a Christian.
DEBRA
(Transitioning between deranged anger and insanity)
Oh I AM a Christian. I mean, I am, I was, starting about two nights ago. Yeah last Sunday night! I saw Jesus H. Christ, mhmmm. Yep I saw him. In town. At my pub. He ordered a nice big ole drink.
ARNOLD
Debra. You saw a man with a beard wearing a long jacket. Not exactly Christ himself.
DEBRA
(Pushing Arnold to the ground, and pressing the sage diffuser against his chest)
BY THE POWER OF CHRIST INVESTED IN ME I HEREBY DECLARE YOU EXERCISED!
ARNOLD
(Chuckling to himself)
You mean exorcised Debra. Exorcised.
DEBRA
(Still sitting on top of Arnold)
Whadda I say Mr. Investment Banker…
ARNOLD
(Pushing Debra off him, rising, and pulling her to the bed)
You said exercised. As in working out. As in an activity requiring physical effort.
DEBRA
(Groaning)
Ah shit…I never was quick enough to keep up with you anyhow.
(Beat. She goes to sit on the bed, utterly exhausted inside and out)
ARNOLD
(Joining her on the bed)
Now, don’t say that.
DEBRA
(Beginning to cry, timidly)
Where did it all go wrong Arnold? One minute…pouf…and then the next deflated.
(She motions to explain)
Gone. Snatched. And what do I have now. I mean sure, I have you. Don’t get me wrong that’s great! I have the pub, and my job as the waitress taking orders from a Jesus look–alike. Son–of–a–bitch something is missing though. I…and I don’t give a shit about the future, or when I’ll feel better, or how “this too shall pass”. Loneliness. That’s it. Loneliness. All pervading loneliness. And that spirit hocus-pocus (she pulls the sage diffuser from her pocket), look where it landed me. No protection. Just some crystals and a stick of wood.
(She throws the sage diffuser across the room)
And with you gone all the time––
ARNOLD
(Becoming somewhat serious)
That’s not fair…you know that’s not fair…
DEBRA
(Becoming vindictive, and slightly hostile)
Really Arnold. REALLY MR. INVESTMENT BANKER. It’s not fair? Oh no, I think it’s very fair. Where were you for the doctor’s appointments, huh? Hell half the time it was me carrying that baby on my own…
ARNOLD
(Rising to her level, becoming equally vicious)
MR. INVESTMENT BANKER? The money I make, the hours I work are for you, were for the child, are for our future. Do you not think this is hard on me? Don’t you think I have to find motivation to get up every morning, to drag myself out of that bed––
DEBRA
(Furiously standing up and pointing her finger in Arnold’s face)
Don’t you even pretend to know what it’s like. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t…
(Suddenly a “Musical Pass the Pickle” toy drops through the air, landing in between Debra and Arnold. Perhaps it’s a sign from God, if that is your thing)
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They look up in amazement, frozen in awe. They then look at each other and hold eye contact for a few excruciatingly awkward moments)
DEBRA
(Approaching Arnold and shoving him slightly)
Is this some kind of cruel joke? I know you have your “way” with humor, but this is not the time.
ARNOLD
(Still frozen in awe)
Ummm no.
DEBRA
(Holding him accountable)
Hello?? Is this one of your jokes? I want a clear answer!
ARNOLD
(Coming out of his trance, still somewhat shaken)
No…no. It’s not a joke. It’s a sign––
DEBRA
(Strangely hopeful, and of course superstitious)
from God––
ARNOLD
(Interrupting with a slight smirk)
from Mr. Jesus pub man!
DEBRA
(Rolling her eyes, although it is clear that Arnold’s humor has relieved the tension)
Again with the jokes. Can you never be serious? I mean we may have just experienced a sign from the holy––moly––superstar Lord himself and you joke. (Sigh) Of course you do.
(The toy is still awkwardly placed between them. They face each other)
ARNOLD
(Retaining elements of his friendlier personality)
Listen. I’m a pragmatic man. Or as they say a man of pragmatism.
DEBRA
(Mocking)
Oh yeah. Mr. Pragmatism. Big facts. Mhmmm. Yep. Big, factly, facts.
ARNOLD
(Continuing)
I read Grey’s Anatomy as a child. For fun. Oh and the encyclopedia. You know, typical life of the typical manly man American teenager.
(Beat)
But, I know I sign from God when I see one.
DEBRA
Yep. Okay. Do you now?
ARNOLD
(Without missing a beat; pantomime tip of the hat)
I do! And believe me when I see a sign from God (pause, waiting for something profound) I do see a sign from God.
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They make eye contact again, and simultaneously go to pick up the toy. They grab the toy at the same time, and together rise. There is no tugging, only symbiosis. Connected and drawn together by the toy they move to the edge of the bed, sitting down)
DEBRA
Well…
ARNOLD
Yeah…
DEBRA
Yeah…
ARNOLD
YES!
DEBRA
Yes, what?!?
ARNOLD
(Booming voice)
Oh. I mean I figured we needed a change of auditory perception! Too many yeahs…so I said yes! It’s more finite. Demanding.
(Poking Debra)
Strong!
DEBRA
(A cheeky smile)
Whatever you say Mr. Investment banker.
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They both release the toy simultaneously, and gently tuck the toy into the
bed, almost like a Child. An intimate moment typical of parents)
ARNOLD
(Fake and slightly funny British accent)
Why do you insist on calling me that?
DEBRA
BECAUSE I FIND IT SLIGHTLY AROUSING!
ARNOLD
(Jokingly)
Oh but of course. I mean I also find it arousing…to hear about other invest bankers. Quite a bunch of saucy minks if you ask me. I mean if you come to think of it we really are nothing more than semiaquatic, carnivorous, mammals including weasels, otters, and ferrets!
DEBRA
(Chuckling to herself and putting an arm around Arnold
You always did have a way with words.
(Beat)
Are we okay?
ARNOLD
(A perceptible change in tone. More serious, but there is a lightness to the situation)
I think so. I mean you did attempt to perform an exercise, sorry I mean exorcism, on me only a few minutes ago, but I would say that’s just our typical Tuesday night fun.
(Beat)
I’ll be frank…this past month has been rough. But we’ll make it through.
(Beat)
Most likely…
DEBRA
(Playfully slapping him across the face)
Oh stop that you silly son of a bitch.
(Beat)
It has been hard…. on both of us. But, we’ve got all we need right here. You, Mr. Investment banker, this toy pig (acknowledge the stuffed animal), and that strange pickle gift from God. If nothing else we’ve had an interesting life so far.
ARNOLD
(Chuckling to himself)
That’s one way to put it, for sure.
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They finally interact with the stuffed animal, pink pig, on the bed. Debra picks it up and places it on the ground, close to the foot of the bed. She sits down and holds it close, maternally, almost rocking it. Arnold joins her and pulls her close. An intimacy fills the air)
DEBRA
(Turning the pink pig over, she unzips the bottom and begins to pull out baby piglets one by one, and places them in front of herself)
Here’s Oscar. Oh and here’s Martha. And look at this it’s Wilbert. Of course, we can’t forget Jenny. Quadruplets. Yes! WE’VE BEEN BLESSED WITH QUADRUPLETS.
(Beat)
What a lovely family Arnold.
ARNOLD
(Sincere and deeply emotional)
Yeah…. a lovely family. Us and our four piglets. Quaint and peaceful.
DEBRA
Just us and our four piglets.
ARNOLD
(Picking up a piglet)
This little piggy went to the market––
DEBRA
(Picking up another piglet)
This little piggy stayed at home––
ARNOLD
(Picking up another piglet)
This little piggy had roast beef––
DEBRA
(Picking up another piglet)
This little piggy went––
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(Holding the last piglet together)
Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!
(Beat)
All the way home.
(Beat)
All the way home.
ARNOLD AND DEBRA
(They embrace. Slow fade to black out. The only light left on stage is the salt lamp, still shining and illuminating an all pervasive darkness)
CURTAIN