Photo by Alberto Restifo on Unsplash
Something Else
The loud bell hollered, dismissing all the students before our teacher could say another word.
Everyone jumped up and the boys ran to go put sneakers on in a hurry, not wanting to be the last ones out. I shoved my book into my desk and took a step before turning 360 degrees, walking at a fast pace in the other direction.
“Hey, Father Williams?” I asked my religion teacher.
“Got a question?” He chuckled at his own joke. It was a known fact that I took a great deal of interest in religion class at school. After every single class I would have dozens of questions bottled up in my head to ask the teacher, and every single time, he would answer me. No matter how hard, or confusing, or even ridiculous the question was — there would be an answer. I thought of him as a moral compass. He always seemed to know what was wrong, and what was right. And if he didn’t, he would offer me a passage or two from the Bible to read, as an alternative. The questions were mostly related to holy judgment, philosophy, ethics and so on. But this time, I didn’t have a question. Rather,a statement. Quickly, I gathered the courage to deliver my remark.
“I don’t believe in God,” I stated bluntly. I normally made sure my question was well phrased, since my Spanish wasn’t always the best. I often stuttered or forgot words that were on the tip of my tongue.
He tilted his head and looked at me, amused almost. It was a look he gave me often when I would beat him- meaning find a question his passages and God couldn’t answer. He laughed instead.
“What do you believe in then?” he asked me, countering my question.
“I-” Hesitation halted my answer, but then I quickly caught on.
“I believe in people.” What I meant to say was: “I believe in people. I believe in people’s faith. The ability to trust someone so fully, and without a doubt in their mind.”
“So, you believe in something right?” he asked back.
I nodded, and he handed me a marked page in the Bible.
He had it pre-marked.
To this day I’m still uncertain to how he knew. Presumably, he knew I didn’t believe in God. Half my questions I had asked up until then we’re all about questioning the Lord and existence. Moral judgment, his flaws, my mind flashed back to the first class we had. I asked the first question that had occurred to me. It was about love. If anyone could love anyone- just for who they were. And his answer was amazing-; he answered unlike most Christians. It doesn’t matter what gender you like- your sexuality, anything. Whether it was romantic or sexual, or even brotherly. Love had no boundaries. But this quote had read-
Isaiah 43:2. “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”
It reflected upon my belief. I believed in people that are willing to stay with each other. Through thick and thin, through emotions, harm, hurt and hell. People that believed in someone, or something- anything, really.
“If you believe in people then you-” I cut him off.
“I believe in people. If they believe in God then so will I. So in a way… ”
“You believe in everything?” he asked. The awkward moment of cutting into each others sentences had ended. No more guessing or going around in circles, even though he had understood. And as the milliseconds passed I waited for him to make his next comment. Maybe he thought I was ridiculous, I mean this was an extremely Catholic school, maybe I would be kicked from his class. Anxiety pumped through my veins. And then, he answered.
“That’s good. Belief is what keeps us going.”
And I nodded.
And I was happy.
Someone that was dedicated to a life of religion was able to meet me where I was. Understand what I was feeling, how my mind worked. That I might not solely believe in one thing. But- instead that I have faith in the people around me. Bad people, good people. Just people. It didn’t matter the color of our skin, our gender, sexuality, age, anything that could even possibly count. I lived in a black and white world where the only thing that mattered was the meaning of the word human. Flawed, insecure, self- destructive… Alive. Emotional- People that loved and were loved. The word human sent blazing colors flying in the air, everything was alive. But the fact that we all bleed the same blood, that were all the same. And in many months to come we would have another conversation about the same thing. The takeaway I had from the conversation was exceptional: that two people could talk, and connect and learn from each other, and their lives and experiences. It didn’t matter if they could directly relate. Or even understand, but just that they can speak freely, and exist in the same world. And as the rest of the day went on I was able to think. About how great it was that I had the opportunity to learn from others, and belief, and people that will wade into the water with me. And I thought about it through the rest of the week, and month, and the flight back home, and spring midterms, and I will never stop thinking about it. It was because someone made the extra effort to show me something new- something different- Something else.
I love: “He had it PRE-marked.” Probing faith is a challenging topic to drop into – but this 8th grade philosopher makes it feel so natural.